we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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