Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
