I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
