I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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