Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
