I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
