Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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