I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
