I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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