She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
