Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
