My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
