respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
