guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
