Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
