I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
