I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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