I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
