She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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