He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
