Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
