Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
