Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
