we made out on top of his cat.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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