I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
