Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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