Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
