Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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