the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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