home. puking in laundry basket.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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