so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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