Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
