Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
