sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
