We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
