I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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