I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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