I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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