my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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