Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
