guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
