she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
