you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize