Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
