and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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