i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
