We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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