He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
