meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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