she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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