I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
