i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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