we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
