Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
