I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
