He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
