then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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