Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
