there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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