can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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