Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
