booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
