u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize