mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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