Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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