Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
