I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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