Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
