so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
