Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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