we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's shark week go big or go home
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
