physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
