i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
