hell yes lets make some ravioli
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
