girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The power of my boobs compel you
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize