do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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