Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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