it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize