I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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