Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
