WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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