Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize