i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize