i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
