i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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