all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I would fuck him just for his dog
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
