I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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