You're so nebulous sometimes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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