so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
