You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
