You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
