Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
