i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
