you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
