There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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