I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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