wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
be right there i have to get my cape
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
