Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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